Carry me
by Scully Skeptic
Summary: Scully and Doggett travel home after the tragic events in Roadrunners. Scully is down and Doggett wants to be there for her. But is she ready to let him in?


**"Carry me"**

**A/N: The DSR shipper inside of me wrote this story. Roadrunners is my favourite stand-alone in Season 8 and that last scene felt especially strong. **

**Spoilers: Pilot, Requiem, Roadrunners. **

**Disclaimer: The X-Files and all the characters belong to Chris Carter. **

**Title: I was inspired by the song Will You Be There by Michael Jackson **

**Feedback is very much appreciated ;)**

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The pain was gone. For now. The pain killers were doing a fine job but Scully hated feeling so numb and groggy. Trying not to think about the weeks of recovery. Taking a simple shower would have to become ritual from now on. And then having to go back to work, although... although that's the positive part. When you work you stop thinking about those things that haunt you. You can allow yourself to unplug your brain from the personal stuff. At least for a while. At least until something will bring you back to the ground and to the reality you have to live in now. _Dana Scully, this is your life!_ Somehow you will get by. For God's sake you have a baby on the way! A baby! This was not supposed to happen and yet it did. Unconsciously she was stroking her flat stomach. She felt the softness of the wool and the warmth of her flesh against the surface of her hand. She could almost feel the baby's heartbeat with her hand. His baby.

She was almost finished packing. Her mother had sent her things over to the hospital. Her mother didn't come to visit her. It was for the best anyway. If Maggie Scully got a dollar for every time her only surviving daughter was hospitalized she could quit her job now and retire in the Bahamas. There was a knock on the open door. Scully was hidden behind the closet door and didn't see who it was. There could only be one person though.

"Ready to go?" , Doggett asked.

"Yeah, I'm ready to go.", she said with a faint sigh.

"Grand Jury convenes today.", he started the update as the matter of factly, " All forty seven cult members are sticking together. They're not offering up much defence other than that they're being persecuted for their religious beliefs."

There was a hint of sarcasm in his calm raspy voice. The case looked ridiculous (at least on paper); almost comical. An entire town of serial killers who club their victims to death with stones after letting a parasitic creature feed on their bone marrow. And this is the best defence they can offer.

"They believed they worshiped Christ. That that thing was a Second Coming."

There was an uncomfortable silence in the room as she was mustering up the courage to say these next words, "Look, I... I wanted to apologize. I left you out of this case and it was a mistake on my part. It was almost a fatal mistake."

Was this supposed to be hard? Admitting fault and letting yourself get vulnerable with someone you hardly know? Someone you don't really know you can trust? What Doggett said next clearly marked that this partnership was going be different than anything she had ever experienced with Fox Mulder. She was out of her comfort zone.

"It was. You screwed up."

"And I won't do it again."

"I appreciate it."

She smiled weakly and gave his arm a gentle stroke - the first friendly gesture she had allowed herself with him since they started working together.

It could be that some of the tension had lifted. That there was one more barrier between the two of them that had been removed after that short exchange. A simple apology and acceptance. Acceptance of her apology on his part. And on her part it was the acceptance of the brutal fact - _he is your partner now_. The relieve was evident in Doggett's eyes. It must have been hard for him. Scully never once tried to see the current situation from John Doggett's point of view. He was thrust into the world of the X-Files without so much as a warning of what was to come. He was supposed to navigate the terrain that for seven years had only been inhabited by two people. Sure he had read up on all the cases in that file cabinet but how could he read between the lines? How could he know the history behind the field reports and the lab results? This was going to be hard for him unless she tried to guide him somehow.

It was time to go. Scully grabbed the handle of her bag only to have it yanked out of her hand. Doggett took her bag and together they left the hospital room. A cab was waiting for them outside. Doggett opened the back door to let Scully inside. Once Doggett had put her bag in the trunk of the cab and taken the seat next to her the cab driver started the car and away they went.

"So, Airport, huh?" the driver asked. Doggett confirmed. The cab ride was spent in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it's just that Scully didn't feel like saying anything. She kept her hand on her belly. Maybe it was a risky move for someone who was keeping their pregnancy a secret, but it made her feel better. Calmer. She closed her eyes.

"... The victim had been beaten to death with a large blunt object, possibly a rock. The cranium and the neck have been crushed. The autopsy has shown some anomalous characteristics. Apparently the victim was suffering from osteoporosis, arthritis and kyphosis of the vertebrae. In other words this young person had a spine of a ninety year old woman. The autopsy has also shown that the victim was at least four weeks pregnant at the time of the murder."

Scully woke up with a start. She must have moaned or screamed because Doggett leaned over touching her back.

"Are you alright, agent Scully?"

She chose not to look at him while responding with her world famous, "I'm fine."

_Mulder will never know about Utah_, she said to herself. He would never forgive her. And she would never forgive herself. Ever. To be given the gift of motherhood despite all odds and then risk losing it because of your own stubbornness. Because you were too proud to call your new partner. Back in the hospital she was asking herself how Mulder would have handled this case. Would he do exactly like Doggett did or would he take a different approach? And then she realized that she was asking herself the wrong question. Mulder wouldn't have to save Scully from crazy cult members. It would be the other way around. Because when Scully decided not to let Doggett in on this case she imitated Mulder's behaviour exactly. She ditched her partner just like Mulder used to ditch her. Was it a conscious choice? Was she trying to be Mulder?

The cab had stopped at the airport parking and Doggett and Scully stepped out of the car. Doggett paid the driver and took Scully's bag from the trunk. Together they entered the airport.

An hour later they were boarding the plane that would take them home. While they were taking their seats Doggett called a stewardess and asked for a second pillow for Scully. That was for her back of course. Once the pillow had arrived Doggett asked her, "Would you like to sit by the window?"

"No, thanks.", needless to say Scully chose the seat closer to the restroom. Pregnancy sickness and airplanes could turn into an ugly affair. So she sat down next to John Doggett, putting one pillow behind the small of her back and the other behind the spot just under her neck and thus creating a soft buffer between the seat and her wounds. The effect of the pain killers was weakening and the dull pain would turn into stabs of agony every time she made a sudden move. For some reason she turned to Doggett and her eyes met with his. He had a worried look which he tried to hide behind a friendly smile.

"Scared of flying?"

"No, not really.", she smiled back. And she wasn't. The worst part was over and she was glad to leave this hell behind.

The take off had gone off without a hitch and once the plane was in horizontal position Scully relaxed and fell asleep. For some reason she started dreaming about being on a roller coaster. She woke up and realized why: turbulence. It felt as if the plane was diving in the air like a small boat during a storm. Some of the passengers were screaming, plastic cups were falling from treys. Scully's hand squeezed the armrest as she was automatically looking for support. _This must be the place!_ From the depths of her memory the words came to her. His voice, soft and carefree. His boyish smile as he was looking at her when it was all over. Their first case. Dead teenagers with marks on their backs. Marks on her back (turned out to be mosquito bites) and that one moment of panic that sent her straight to his motel room. The hours spent in his bed (nothing happened, he was sitting on the floor the whole time) and for the first time listening to the story that came to be the driving force in their work on the FBI. Samantha. UFO's. _Government denies knowledge_. The first case that, by a sick twist of fate also became their last.

One last "dive" before the plane was once again stable and the sign "Buckle you seatbelts" stopped blinking. But the damage had already been done and Scully felt how her breakfast was making its way up her oesophagus. She let go of the armrest and reached for the paper bag that was stuck between the magazines. She barely made it. That bowl of cereal and toast with cheese were pouring out of her like the Niagara Falls. Scully then hurried off to the rest room to finish the ugly business in privacy.

Coming back she saw a bottle of water and a pack of crackers on Doggett's tray. Doggett said, "I asked the stewardess to bring you this. It'll help if you're anything like my ex-wife. She got airsick every time."

Scully thanked him and sank into her seat. She noticed large sweat beads on Doggett's forehead.

"Agent Doggett, are you OK?"

"Me? Yeah, I'm just...I've never been a big fan of flying. I mean, I know turbulence is considered normal but... you know, man was not meant to fly."

"Well, it _is_ normal. And ultimately it is a comfort issue rather than safety issue. Airplanes are built for being abused in the air." she was making a weak attempt to rationalize this whole thing in order to help Doggett relax despite the fact that she didn't really believe what she was saying. To her surprise her lame attempts worked on him.

"I guess you're right" he said and patted the back of her hand, "Thank you."

They spent the rest of the flight talking about trivial things. At some point though Doggett mentioned Skinner.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you that I've spoken to AD Skinner just before we left."

"What did he say?"

"Said that he'll come by to see you later today. I thought he'd wait until Monday, but he seemed awfully worried about you."

Pour sweet oblivious Doggett. How could he know that Skinner knew about Scully's secret? There were only two people in the world - besides Scully's doctor - who knew. Her mother and her boss. Funny how Walter Skinner came to be her confidant. He had proven his loyalty an benevolence to her and Mulder more than once in the course of their work and kept saving their behinds even if it meant risking his own. And now the two of them shared something that no other person knew or could understand. The knowledge of Mulder's abduction and Scully's pregnancy. These were the common factors that had really messed up their superior/subordinate- relationship. Naturally he would have to visit her and see how she was doing. Maybe there even was a lecture waiting for her. After all, the Assistant Director was responsible for his agents and their unborn babies.

...

"Are you sure you don't need any help unpacking?"

"Yes, I'm sure. My mother will be coming over soon."

Doggett walked Scully to her front door. Scully unlocked the door and gave it a little push. For a brief moment she thought it would be a good idea to invite Doggett inside, but reconsidered. She didn't want him to think that she needed any more of his help. He had done more than enough for her this week.

"Thank you", she said, "I really owe you one."

"You don't owe me anything, agent Scully. That's what we do - we look out for each other... Agent Scully, are you alright?"

Tears were glistening in her eyes. The funny part was that she didn't know why she was crying. _Damn hormones_...

"I said that I have seen a lot during my time on the FBI. I have seen and experienced things I couldn't explain and didn't want to believe. Well, out of all the crap I've witnessed I have never seen a man being beaten to death before", she managed to hold back the tears but her voice was a cracked whisper, "That man's life could have been saved. Had we gone there together none of this would have happened"

"Think about it this way: what if you hadn't run out of gas that day? Then you'd never come to that town. You would have never met that man. He would have died anyway but those people would still be free.", he sounded very confident but Scully doubted that he really believed this. Then he put a firm hand on her shoulder and spoke looking deep into her sombre eyes, " There is no room in life for _what if's_, agent Scully. You can lose your mind lying awake and thinking about what you could have done differently. It's not worth it."

These last words he did mean, Scully could see that. It was clear to her that he was speaking from experience. Scully had of course heard the talk about Doggett's family (when it comes to rumours all workplaces are alike) and about his son that was murdered years ago. They never talked about it and Scully chose not to pry. But it was somehow comforting to hear these words from Doggett. He must have spent a good part of his waking life asking himself that same question.

He wasn't Mulder. But John Doggett was here, watching her back and sticking up for her. He was a good partner and perhaps he could be a good friend too. _You can't do this alone_, she said to herself. She had people who cared for her and would do anything for her. But her mother couldn't be her partner on the X-Files. Neither could AD Skinner. Life was going to be hard for Scully if she didn't try to let Doggett be there for her. Who knows, maybe she will be able to give some of that support back.

"I guess you're right." Scully forced a weak smile. Doggett returned her the bag that he had been carrying for her the entire trip.

"Good night, agent Scully. See you on Monday!", he said and started his way down the empty corridor.

"Good night." , she whispered still feeling the warmth of his hand on her shoulder.

END


End file.
